It's been a VERY rough month.
The words just haven't come.
I am beginning to think there absolutely just aren't words to describe what it is like to be completely obedient to HIS calling, toss aside logic, upset a few people, and RUN toward his demands for your family. To be given little signs; some subtle whispers, some blatant shouts, that lead you to HIS treasure.
To set your eyes on a child and KNOW that they are the missing peace (I'm not grammatically incorrect. She is indeed the missing PEACE) to your heart. A child with striking blue eyes and platinum blonde hair like her sister's. A child who rarely smiles in pictures, like her sister...
...though her reason for not smiling isn't just because she has heavy, chubby cheeks like her little sister.
It is because she is mother-less. She is father-less. She is sister-less.
she. is. an. orphan.
Unfortunately, it appears that international adoptions will NOT be happening anytime in the near future. (Click on the colored text for an article to better explain).
My heart aches for her, yet holds some hope. Though I can't go into detail as to how I know, it appears as if a Russian family decided to potentially commit to her in November (the exact same time we did actually.) They have had trouble with their paperwork, but seem to be on track to adopting our sweet girl. This innocent butterfly who now has the love of 3 mamas.
Pray that this family commits.
Mollie is potentially one of the lucky ones. There are thousands of special needs children who will continue to be overlooked by a country who holds no value in them.
(It should be noted that the sweet little boy in the wheel chair has a committed American family. He has parents and siblings waiting for him here. And they are stuck in the same situation that we are.)
Pray that Russia SEES these children. Not their diagnosis.
BUT. THE. CHILD.
My butterfly necklace broke last week. I promised myself I would wear it until Mollie was in my arms.
Throughout this adoption, I have prayed that God would show us the way towards Mollie through Butterflies. Though I've never shared all of the astounding ways that HE has spoken to us, HE has never failed to answer our prayers. Take this for what you will.
You may see a broken necklace.
I see another subtle whisper.
We will never, EVER forget our little butterfly, our starfish, our Mollie Grace.
I am going to lock Mollie's story up in my heart for now.
WHEN Russia opens again...we will move faster than a bee to honey.
Now, we need time to heal.
(Please don't mistake my prayers for "signs" as the only way I listen to God. He has graciously shown up in many ways when I've felt utterly lost and confused. When I was struggling with hearing from HIM, I got some amazing advice from a dear friend. "Pray that god slams doors in your face when you aren't on his path". She's a wise one, my dear friend.
A little bit of healing happened today.
In the mail today was a dress that I had ordered for Mollie this past Christmas. A dress that was intended for her to wear when she was home with us this summer.
However, also waiting in the mail was a package from a sweet friend. Another adoptive mama.. A mama who's "littlest little" lived in the exact same orphanage that our Mollie currently lives in.
This mama knows my heart. Her heart beats in the same rhythm.
The rhythm of music.
(If you follow my blog, you'll have noticed that music and lyrics help me when my own words won't suffice. )
In her package:
a darling sparrow bracelet.
A C.D. of powerful music.
A note of comfort.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens (and sparrows): They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.
And how much more valuable you (and your little one) are than the birds!"
Luke 12: 22-24
The wound. The healing.
I'm sure you are wondering where we go from here.
Are we giving up on adoption?
Are we choosing another country?
Will we adopt domestically?
The answer is:
I don't know.
(so profound huh?!)
I don't know what lies ahead for us.
But I do know that we will not stop listening.
And I do know that one day, we will be lead to our son or daughter.