Monday, January 7, 2013

anxious

anx·ious  

/ˈaNG(k)SHəs/
Adjective
  1. Experiencing worry, unease, or nervousness, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.


I've always been a pretty care-free person.  I'm not much of a planner.  I like to just live life, and let whatever happens....eh, happen.

Hubby calls to inform me that we have guests coming for dinner that I completely forgot about....Leftovers as a main course! 
Eh. It happens!

While checking out at Walmart the baby has a meltdown the likes of which the Spartans (ancient greeks or any run of the mill high school football team) would retreat from....I continue to chat up the clerk whilst simultaneously sticking things into said baby's mouth until something mutes her....Car Keys for the win! 
Eh. It happens!

Dog jumps onto brand new WHITE down comforter with muddy (please-God-let-that-not-be-poop) paws 20 minutes before the in-laws are coming to visit....Blue Dawn dish soap and baking soda to the rescue! 
Eh. It happens!

Russia closes its doors to Americans right when we have jumped aboard the adoption train....

AHHHHH. how. does. this. happen?!


WORRY 
Will they ever open their doors again?

UNEASE
 How will these innocent children continue to cope as orphans?

NERVOUSNESS 
Will Mollie Grace ever get to blow candles out on her birthday?
Will someone sing her a lullaby when she wakes from a nightmare?
Will she get to experience the joy of splashing around in a bath?
Will someone show her how to bake chocolate chip cookies?
Will she get to stand outside at night and look for shooting stars?

Will we ever get to bring her home?


I am a mess of anxiousness.
I can't sleep.
The tears fall at unexpected moments.
My heart races at every squeal or whimper from Sophie.
I can't stop refreshing my google search, "Putin + adoption ban".


At this turn of a new year, while the world is out making resolutions;
I'm finding comfort in running 3 miles then eating cookie dough.
Cleaning then playing in a "toy-splosion" with Sophie.
Ridding my life of T.V, but trying to catch up on Downton Abbey episodes on Hulu.
Digging deeper into my bible, then an hour later digging deep into US Weekly.
 Saving money then buying a new lamp at Hobby Lobby (hello 50% off!).
Drinking a glass of water then running to McDonald's for a large Diet Dr. Pepper.
(I'm sorry Hubby!)

But mostly....I'm finding comfort knowing that God is moving and using the hearts of Russian citizens, Orthodox Priests, members of Parliament, Orphanage workers and most importantly.... fellow mamas like me.  He is keeping our eyes on the most important: the littles.




He does not call the equipped.  
He equips the called.  
I think I've found my New Years Mantra.
I'm just waiting for it to cure the anxiousness.





Disclaimer: If you come to our house for a dinner date, I promise I won't serve you leftovers.


Just a little taste of the happiness mixed into said anxiousness:

sweet little hair bows

getting to know my cousins

Patriotic Santa

eating by myself

sweet friends

Rosetta Stone in Russian...

because mama is 29...again. and again.

Mollie. You don't know what you're in for!


4 comments:

  1. I absolutely love reading your blog! Your words are inspiring and full of love and passion. I pray every night for this ban to go away and for Mollie to become part of your family and part of the whoooole family! I know your dream will come true, keep standing strong like you're doing. Your truly are one amazing person!! There should be more like you in this world! xoxo

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  2. Praying for you and your little one...and all the little ones waiting in Russia. That God would move this mountain! Bless you! Amanda

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  3. Thank you for your honesty in how you are feeling! You give voice to somethings that I've been wrestling over myself. I commented on your last blog post (KE Smeiles) but didn't know how to use my blog profile so you could know who is this person was who is following you now?! :) I was thinking of you this morning when I wrote my own post... I'll leave you the link in case you wanted to read it.

    Prayers for you and your family! We wait with you in expectancy of God's glory coming to the rescue.

    http://visitsnextdoor.wordpress.com/2013/01/10/watches/

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  4. Hi from the big city in the Heart of the Bluegrass! So glad to find another KY family in progress, and hope your little one will be yours after all - there's a ray of hope this morning; check the latest news!

    Susan in Ky
    Cousin to 2 from EE

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